Alone

Behind the Song

I wrote Alone after helping a man in my life come to terms with the fact that his feelings were valid and worthy of investigation, that comparing and minimising his experience was not helpful and that he didn’t have to hold all of his grief inside to be dealt with alone. And as is so often the way with any of the songs I write about others, so much of it is also relevant to my own approach to feeling my emotions and the way I deal with troubles.

I was raised, like so many, to believe that it was important to be strong, to ‘hold it together’ and to emote in private, if at all. As a consequence it took me years of work before I was able to be vulnerable in front of others and then a few more before I could be vulnerable in front of Josh. To this day that is still something with which I struggle. It meant that for many years I kept so much pain and suffering inside and with no outlet it wreaked havoc on my mental and physical health.

Outside of music Josh and I have other jobs; Josh is a silversmith and I’m a yoga teacher and women’s circle facilitator and that’s not something I imagined I would be doing. In fact when I first heard about women’s circles I thought it sounded awful, coming together with other women, sharing openly and crying together?! As a person who struggled with vulnerability and emotions this sounded like hell. But somehow I ended up at one and whilst being slightly terrifying it was a pivotal moment that completely changed to course of my life to date. I came to realise that so many of us are carrying around these huge emotional suitcases full of struggle, heartache and shame and whilst it can be overwhelming to deal with that alone, it can be scary to consider opening up about it. But then one by one the suitcases are opened and it soon becomes apparent that although the contents of the suitcases are often different, the themes are universal. And for me to see my suffering mirrored in the stories of others was a hugely important step forwards on my healing journey, not to mention also being a profoundly bonding experience that creates an unparalleled depth of friendship.

This is why I have committed my life to sharing my struggles, challenges and the things I feel shame about and facilitating spaces where others can do the same because if I can help even one person feel less alone in their experience it will all have been worth it.

Mountain Music from the Flatlands of Milton Keynes

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All rights reserved


Logo (c). Anna Jane Searle

Press shot (c). Imelda Michalczyk

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